So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You know, be my cock's hype man.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
