Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
