You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
