Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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