i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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