yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
ttyl tear gas
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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