is your mom at the bar?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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