Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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