Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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