I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
