Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
