i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
