No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
