i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
