im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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