Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
