I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
