I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
