I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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