They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize