Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
