So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
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three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
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if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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