At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
