No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize