I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Why can't burritos get me drunk
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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