dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
