theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
