Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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