I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
