I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
