i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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