my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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