My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
