I wish I only lived at night.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
