Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
