this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I showed him my bush... on skype.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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