Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
