and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
