I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
