I can tuck mytits in my pants
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
