She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
