how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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