yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We were destined to go to rehab together
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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