I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
