my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
