I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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