Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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