i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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