I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We are all done wearing pants today
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize