Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
my poor anus
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
