I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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