I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
