"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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