I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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