We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize