Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
