I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
